Bolanle Austen-Peters once shared a unique way of dealing with pressure. I thought about this again and it resonated strongly.

She said:

Don’t let the process overwhelm you; because everybody is facing that journey.

A lot of time you feel like you are the only one under pressure. Everyone is under pressure. I feel like it is the way we respond to pressure that matters.

The only way to respond to pressure is by developing your inner man.

Dolapo Agbede tells about how a near-death experience gave her the clarity she needed. You don’t need to have such before you focus on the things that matter.

She said:

Once you have something like a near-death experience, honestly, it is like life applies a sieve.

You now focus on something that is important.

If you knew the day you will stop being here, everything you think were priorities will stop being priorities.

You now find out that your personal journey is very important.

See this conversation

Fellow traveler,

I’m glad to share this edition of The Joy List, the weekly collection of insights, and some of the best things we’ve read elsewhere, as we yearn for flourishing individuals and societies.

With joy,
Damola

Worth Reading

> Solitude and Leadership

“So it’s perfectly natural to have doubts, or questions, or even just difficulties. The question is, what do you do with them? Do you suppress them, do you distract yourself from them, do you pretend they don’t exist? Or do you confront them directly, honestly, courageously? If you decide to do so, you will find that the answers to these dilemmas are not to be found on Twitter or Comedy Central or even in The New York Times. They can only be found within—without distractions, without peer pressure, in solitude.”

> What alcohol does and why should you care

“Cutting out drinking has undeniable benefits — no hangovers, lighter bodyweight, and better skin. But it can also mean missed opportunities to enjoy special occasions fully (like practicing abstinence at a vineyard in Tuscany). What if the real problem isn’t the alcohol, but the need for an external tool to relax? Nat’s solution, a simple rule: put alcohol use in the calendar 3 days in advance so neither can be the solution to a stressful day.”

In her conversation on #WithChude, Nigerian actress and filmmaker, Toyin Abraham talks about her process of getting better, and what she needed istead of a pity party.

She said:

During the time when the crisis was much, that was when I had to get a team. A lot of people did not know that my manager had to get me a counselor all the way from America to talk to me. It wasn’t easy but we thank God.

I had to change some things about me; I checked for the bad habits I had and I had to stop them. I had to change the people around me, because I realized that they are not helping me. I realized that when something was wrong with me, was when they wanted to come.

I don’t need a pity party, I need someone to make me strong.

So, I had to get a new set of friends. From there, I started having a different mentality; I started rolling with different people. My manager recommended that I read more books, through that process I started getting better, and I discovered myself.

In their conversation with Chude, Chidiogo and Obumnene Akunyili discusses one lesson they learnt from their mother, Dora Akunyili.

“I think that apologising is unfortunately not part of our culture in a parent-child relationship.

I hope that will change because we are different generations and we are learning how powerful it is to accept that even though you are a parent, you can be wrong and you can apologise to your child.

There are things we can do better.”